Oh, hello there. I almost didn't notice you through all the orphans I just saved from an orphanage that burst in to flame because I lit it on fire. You should have heard them pleading to be saved. How funny.

But it brings something to my attention.

You see, I've noticed a trend. A wonderful trend, mind you, that was prevalent even in the days I began flexing my hulking everything on Talk Amongst Yourselves: If you beg hard enough, if you repeat your interest over and over, without any real need for it, you will be granted exactly what you want.

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You see, unlike some others here, I had to earn my authorship. It took me, oh, about 3 posts, maybe? In each article, I decided that the best way to reach the people of TAY was by punching my fists through them — with how hard I loved them. It seems counter productive, but that is how I show I enjoy people's company. And that is how I gained my authorship. I didn't beg, like some. I didn't plead with the higher powers to grant me authorship so I didn't have to plead for someone to bump it.

I worked for it, through creativity and entertainment.

But now, we have entered a brave new world, where our every beck and call is rewarded because if we ask and plead hard enough others will give in. For instance, I was at my local grocer picking up essentials — however I could not just grab them and place them in my cart. No, no, no! I willed at the items, lowered myself to my knees and groveled before the almighty peanut butter. I did this on five separate occasions in order for some sales associate came over and placed it in my cart.

You see?! I did not earn this peanut butter. It was given to me because I had not the will to earn it myself. I could not be assed with actually lifting it and placing it into my cart. That's what others are for. To give in to your wants whether or not you actually deserve it.

But then I noticed that someone, who had only pleaded for five minutes was given the peanut butter they so craved. What tomfoolery is this? I was here longer. I dedicated my time to this store more than that person yet they, for whatever reason, are allowed to have their peanut butter before I am?

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In what fucking system does that work? In the TAY system, dear friends.

So give up actually doing anything for yourself and earning your rightful place, because that totally doesn't make you look like a complete douche.

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Not at all.

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