Do you love yourself? I know I do. Don't I? You bet my sweet butt I do. So, why not take a moment out of your life and decide to be something greater. Be something rugged and manly. Be a part of Team Orphan Meat!

What is Team Orphan Meat? That's a great question and I'm glad you asked it. I could deep-fry that query and just eat it right up. See, Team Orphan Meat transcends human consciousness! It is beyond our understanding, and that's what makes it so easy to understand. Team Orphan Meat is a way of life, requiring you to make many sacrifices, such as sacrificing nothing at all — which is, as many of you know, the ultimate sacrifice. In fact, by asking nothing of you, we are taking everything from you — with extreme prejudice.

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By giving us your time, devotion, and lives for the sake of creating orphans everywhere, you can rest assured that Team Orphan Meat will treat you just as well as you treat yourselves. And you're joining us, right? So you like the fancy things in life. You want to feel pampered. And why not feel pampered here, with us?

You know you want to. God help you if you don't... Welcome aboard!

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